Sunday 3 April 2:39 pm: Reuters Newsagency

"Shortly after last night's bulletin the condition of the Band-with-No-Name suddenly worsened, and by this morning sources close to the band (me) described its condition as "severely compromised." In spite of heroic efforts at this morning's full band rehearsal, the Band suffered a severe guitarist-breakdown and a singer hissy-fit and was last reported to be breathing shallowly and conscious, but serene. THe life of the band is now drawing peacefully to a close."

Which, in Canadian is - it's fucked, eh?
In French its - Mort aux band
In Pythonese its - brung down the curtain and joined the bleeding choir-invisibule
In Vaticanese it's - Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, burnt out fuse to burnt out fuse - It is finished
In THISBlogese its - gone, stuffed, crashed and burned, over, kaput - stick a fork in it - its done.

I knew things were not well when I looked at Bass Boss's pile of gear - a gigantic travelling rig of guitars, basses, amps, gig bags, chords, extra cords, etc etc etc. For a ONE HOUR Rehearsal.

Then, 50 minutes into the hour, the singer rang and said she was lost and couldn't find the venue.
When she found the venue the band managed two (count'em) songs before the guitarist confessed that he didn't, couldn't wouldn't learn the songs after all and, err like, sorry, eh?


Its now a couple of hours later. Bass Boss and I are sitting in a nice, dark, cool library, eating biscuits, drinking tea and watching football. We have talked. We have commiserated. We have agreed that, stuff this for a game of soldiers, they can all get bent. for the next couple of weeks we shall observe a rather relaxed mourning period, then start AGAIN, but this time, using a much tougher and more rigorous set of processes.

There WILL be a new band. But not today.
Luckily I look good in black.